My commitment ....

Why today when I wake up can I only see and hear the imperfections of my body? I stare in the mirror and instead of coming back with at least ONE good thought to carry me through the day, all I see is the lumps and bumps of my womanly body!

I know that I can't ask for perfection but I can ask for help! I need it! I have made a promise to myself that I will workout EVERYDAY somehow!! I will start the needed things to have a few extra steps in my day. I am vowing to go to the gym everyday either before work, at lunch or after work on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays! Then I have Tuesday-Thursday my ONLY time to workout will be at lunchtime. I am ok with this! I have accepted this!

I realize that unfortunately I have a body who hangs onto fat so I have to work maybe 2-3x harder than someone else. But I need to get healthy, its not really a choice but its a fact. I haven't even had children yet, I honestly feel like I am 100 years old, tired, fatigue, body aching .. I want to be healthy and vibrate for my children, for my family! I know that this accomplishable if I ONLY take charge of my body today and everyday! I need to remember that maybe things would taste better, I would enjoy them more, I would appreciate them more if I had less of them and less often.

It hits home when I try on a shirt that looks so cute and here I am feeling like I need to hide my boobs (god made them HUGE, 40DD) and honestly speaking, I think I would like them more if I didn't feel like on top of them I had to hide all the other rolls, bumps on my body!

I ask myself "how did I get this far?" .... I know my husband loves me but I am sure he would love to have a hot little bod on top of him instead of all my lady lumps and bumps! I would enjoy my life, my sex life more! I think that is one reason my sex drive is down, I literally don't like to be naked more than the time to get dressed cause it makes me so UPSET that I look like this! And for what reason ... NO WILLPOWER, NO SELF-CONTROL! I don't even have babies to blame it on. Just me! So its time to change!

For me its a matter of willpower, I don't have much, I feel like its never gonna get here cause I am impatient and I want and need to see some results everyday! But I know that I have weaknesses and one of them is sweets, including coffees (would you send an alcoholic to the liquor store for you?) so I am going to start making my coffee in the morning before I step outside my door, I will have two cups in my hand, my protein shake, my coffee mug. I need to do this starting tomorrow!

I may have made a mistake this morning in a decision I made but I have at least another 12hrs to make good decisions such as what will I have for a snack, lunch, snack, dinner ... Will I go out for another coffee today or will I stay in where its "safe" from making a bad decision? Will I keep my commitment to myself that I will workout this afternoon at lunch or will I allow something to get in my way. I know I can do this! I have faith in myself that I can make the change now and make the change for life so that I can enjoy life more fully!