Resisting the tempations like crazy .. :)

I am really pleased with myself today. Why? Because it was late in the day with a stressful week coming to the end and my co-workers (Erma included) said "Hey do you want coldstone? We are making a run." I said "No thank you" She said "are you sure? You can get a small one?" I said "no thanks" and the persisting continued but I remained strong and tough and said "no, no throughout". It came back to the office, I didn't go out front where it was until I was ready to leave and just headed for the door. Why am I so pleased with myself? Because this is something VERY hard for me. I love sweets! They are my biggest weakness to anything. BUT I am learning that I have the willpower to say no. Is it hard? Heck ya. But is it worth it? Yes! I keep my goal peeled on my eyes so that I don't get so distracted.

Well that was my NSV for the day! Nothing else really going on here! :)

Have a great weekend!

The Devils Hand in the Cookie Jar ..

Today I went to Target with Erma. She wanted to get some stuff so I said "ok, I will go .." She goes through the candy isle and I can't believe it, it was a whirlwind in the aisle, going right, left hand over hand candy going in the basket! It was TERRIBLE! I told her "What are you doing? Are these gifts?" She said "Some but most aren't. I love Christmas time, it has the best candy. " I said"Until the next holiday." She kept asking me over and over "Do you want this and this and this?" I said "No thank you. I don't want to eat crap like that." The only thing I did have was a tootsie pop sucker this afternoon. It was peppermint :) She gave me a couple of candies and I said "I will have them later." I went back to the office and threw them in the garbage!

This was an acknowledgment: I resisted candy. Yes, I resisted peppermint bark, and everything!

I was thinking today that every month there is some kind of holiday or something that people that want to celebrate with either food or holiday this or that! No wonder American's are so fat. There is a bunch of junk and NO SELF control.

Thats my rant for the day!

Frustrated!

I am a little frustrated right now. Remember the co-worker I was telling you about that said that she was going to work out at lunch with me said something that perked my interest yesterday and I have been doing a lot of thinking and changing of my habits this week and I thought I might just be able to give us all something to think about.

My email: "Hey Em, Are you still going to the gym with me today? I hope that you are able to make it. I have missed working out with you while I was gone for Thanksgiving. Let me know darling."

Her response back: " i don't know yet... i told Kim I would take her to lunch yesterday so I'm probably going to do that instead. I want to work out but I have a TON of stuff to do before Christmas and I don't have a lot of time in the evenings to work on it with the kids so I'm going to be using a lot of my lunches to get stuff done! Working out though is necessary too...

My response: I know its hard but I am going to make sure that my workouts come first and foremost. I have to do it for ME. :)

Then a few minutes later: of course! You know I will work out with you. Just give me a little break through the holidays... Also, you're my bestest bud here so you're welcome to join me any time on the lunch hour... you know that! :O "

So why this had me thinking is that some of us tend to push off our workouts when they aren't convenient for us. I asked another gal that emails me that has been a HUGE inspiration to work out because she HATES exercise but she does it anyhow and she lost a ton of weight and looks awesome. I asked her "how do you motivate yourself to go to the gym when you hate exercise so much?"

Her reply to me was: "As you prob. know I work out in the a.m. I discovered if I don't do it then, then it just ain't gettin' done. that's just how it is....I learned that..so I drag my butt outta bed every day (5 or 6 days a week), and get it done before our 2 girls get up, before I go to work, etc.I just knew it was something I had to do...it wasn't optional....the same goes for now....it is not an option.....I may hate every single second of it, but I can deal w/ 45 - 60 minutes of hate in a day vs. hating the bigger sized clothes all day long that I would have to wear if I didn't get up & exercise...and of course eat right too.You know, I still have to give myself pep talks in the a.m. to get out of bed?Also one thing that has prob. helped me is that on the occasional occasion that I might sleep a little later than I should....I will still exercise for as long as I can. So I might can only do 15 minutes? that is OK occasionally. It is not all or nothing...You can do it girl!!!"


So where am I going with this long drawn out story and copying you all on these emails? I found for me that I have to do find time to exercise, maybe it will take away a little bit of time from my family but I do it. Why? Cause I have figured that if I spend 1hr a day of ME time that is 365 hours a year but I bet I will gain 10 years on my life by being in better shape, healthier, better role model, everything for my family and me. I know that right now people get wrapped up in the holidays and you only have so many days to get your presents for everyone and you want to make the best use of your time but try to find some time. Like Lori said "even if its 15 minutes" ...... Right now, we can take control of our life whether that be our eating, our exercise or whatever it is and make our life's better now or we can whine about it and not get anywhere. Where do you want to be? Me I want to take control and be the best I can be. One more thought for you all :) Think back to where you were 1 year ago. Have you made progress? Are you at the same weight? Are you doing the yo-yo effect in your life? If you are, then maybe it’s a good time to sit down, figure out why. Are you not buying out the time to get in your workouts? Are you cheating here and there and think it wont be bad cause it’s only a few extra calories and I will get arid of it later? Are you not preparing yourself for the temptations that are your weakness? I think all of this is good for each of us to think about. I am thinking about it myself and that is why I am sharing. I hope that everyone has a great day!

Snow make everyone go crazy ..

Tonight was prove that everyone can go absolutely crazy when it snows. I don't think that people should be allowed to drive in the snow. Here is my story ..

I got off work at 4pm, my husband told me that its snowing but not quite sticking to the ground. I go to the gym, deal with traffic, think well I grew up in Idaho so now worries about the snow. I am not too concerned, should I be?

Someone along the way SLAMS on his brakes and almost makes me slid into the back of them. A few miles up the road, all of the sudden traffic is stopped on this hill called "Top Hill". Why? Because some STUPID semi tried to make it up, made people stop, people couldn't get traction to get up the hill, then idiots were too impatient, try to go around, slid, hit other cars sitting there, traffic coming up and down, no one knowing what is going on. I called 911 to let them know because I think I could have gotten up the hill but I couldn't guarantee someone wasn't going to hit me or come down the other side. Too much of a blind spot. :(
We had an officer come from Beaverton and he was first nice and then a jerk. Telling all of us that we had to move our vechiles or they will be towed so the snowplow could get through. I asked "where, how?"But he didn't seem to care. I was so frustrated as well as 50 or more people were. So I sat there until it calmed down then I just went for it. The bottleneck, cleared up a bit and I was able to get up the hill and home.

I have decided that if they are going to be an idiot and not know how to drive or gain some patience then I think they shouldn't drive. I pray that tomorrow night will NOT be like that tonight! I know that there is more snow coming but I hope that it will snow so bad on Friday that I can stay home :)

That was my evening. Fun huh? On a better note about my day, I ate great, I went to the gym twice and I am feeling good! :)

Went to the Gym

Today I went to the gym at lunch. I have been trying to figure out how to get my workouts in with the schedule I have so here is what I have in my head:
Monday:
Lunch- 40 mins cardio
Afterwork- 40 min strength train
Tuesday:
Lunch- 40 mins cardio
Wednesday:
Lunch- 40 mins cardio
Afterwork- 40 min strength train
Thursday:
Lunch- 40 mins cardio
Friday:
Lunch- 40 mins cardio
Afterwork- 40 min strength train
Saturday/ Sunday: 40 mins cardio

Some may think that I am overdoing it but I dont think I am. Why? If I need a DOR, I will push my 110% before I do it. Why so the next day I will be ready to go back to the gym? You ask, do I like exercise? Actually I hate it!!! But why do I want to do it? Because I want to be STRONG, I want to be healthy. I need to push myself!

I am watching the biggest loser and I realize that I have the tools, I have the resources, I just need to do it. I look at the people who are doing the strength training and they ALL make ugly faces, they are all sweaty, they are all "working" hard! That is what I need to do. This is ONE reason that I am going to the gym at night so that I can WORK HARD, I CAN GIVE IT MY ALL AND GET ARID OF ALL THE MAKEUP AND PUSH MY MYSELF TO THE LIMIT! So will you be the biggest LOSER!!! I sure hope so!

Here is a recipe for everyone to try! ENJOY!

Banana Bread Pancakes
2 pouches - Quaker Instant Oatmeal, Weight Control, Banana Bread (or any type/flavor you like)
1/2 cup - Egg Beaters (or 2 eggs)
2/3 cup - Breakstone's Fat Free Cottage
Blend in blender and then cook in a non-stick skillet sprayed with Pam over medium-medium high heat. Makes 8 medium pancakes (about 6") Turn carefully because these pancakes are very tender. May need to cook longer than 'regular' pancakes.
Nutrition Information:

	Fat: 1.5g
	Carbohydrates: 17.7g
	Calories:126.2
	Protein: 10.7g

Something to train for ???

Okay so I have been down in the dumps about my weight, trying to fight my way back up to the top. I have been asking myself what can I do to help myself get into shape. Having goals? Having something I want to train for? What is it??So here is what I have come up with:
Bloomsday!!!! Its coming up on Sunday, May 4, 2008. Located at Spokane, WA. Only 7.46 miles. This race has memories for me as me and my sister use to go and do it. It was our "girl weekend" before! It was always so much fun. I am trying HARD to get her to go again this coming year. How fun would that be?
Its a little over a 10k race, I have never really thought about that before until today! But I am so excited and pumped about it. I am going to try to get my sister committed to the race, if not I am going to have my hubby train with me and get ready for it. :)

Portland Marathon!!! Okay! This one is a little crazier to join but yeah its in my local area and it gives me something REALLY to work toward! Details on this race: October 5, 2008 located in Portland, Oregon and is 26 miles. They have a part of the marathon to be 5 mile race. I honestly don't know which one I will want to do but I am going to start training right away and will join ONE of the parts of the race. :) I need to talk to one of my friends but I know that they wanted to do this one as well but I don't know if they wanted to do the 5 mile or the 26 mile. YIKES ... either way its going to be hard work but it will pay off!
I will be trying to find a way to "track" my success and my progress. Stay tuned! :) Anyone who wants to join me, let me know. I would love to have a buddy (hint, hint ...vince)!

39 weeks or 273 days??

So I have 39 weeks or if you want to talk in the day by day mode we have 273 days until our big camping trip! So for the least I should lose 39lbs, or maybe more. My ultimate goal is to lose 52-56lbs so I should be MUCH closer to my goal. I just need to stick with it!

I am hoping that I will be able to get some exercise in and I am not planning on making any more BIG meals for awhile. I need to curb my cooking except for some stirfrys and etc :)

Here is my plan:

Monday- "workout either at lunch or after work" for 1hr

Tuesday-"workout at lunch"

Wednesday-"workout either at lunch or after work" for 1hr

Thursday- "workout at lunch"

Friday-"workout either at lunch or after work" for 1hr

Saturday/ Sunday- try to just get some exercise during the day

As for eating, I'm thinking of "not" counting points but sticking to this:

Breakfast: Banana/ Protein Shake

Snack: fruit

Lunch: lean cuisine with some extra veggies or with salad

Snack: veggies/ dip or popcorn or fruit or something lite

Dinner: lean cuisine with some extra veggies or with salad (at least 3-4 times a week)

Snack: SF FF pudding or something like that :)

I hope that something like this will help me stick on track. :) :) I can't wait to see some changes! :)

Do you like curry???

Tonight I made my first "curry" dishes! I made potato & chicken curry and shrimp curry. It was really good! I was so happy with the way it turned out. :) I have never made curry before but this was excellent!

We brought dinner up to Mom and Dad's so that they could enjoy the meal with us! :) I love to have people over and "entertain". I would love to start having more people over even if its with my in-laws to help break the ice :)

I would like to start making more and more authentic foods but learning how to make them healthier. This is one thing I would like to start to do.

I have really enjoyed my days being off of work and not having the stress of my job. I really feel so much better inside. Maybe it would get a little old after awhile but for now, I am just happy! :) I am glad that I still have tonight, tomorrow, and Monday with my sweetie! But I need to relax a little bit and relax. :)

Well I'm off to spend time with my hubby! :) He is getting sick and I need to see if he needs something.

Black Friday Experience

First of all, we started our morning off with having a nice breakfast together at IHOP. We never really go out for breakfast, just every now and again so it was nice to be able to go in town, have breakfast together then we went on with our shopping.

We went into Lowe's to get new kitchen appliances new stove and new dishwasher. WOW we got an EXCELLENT deal. I was so excited! We walked in with a 10% discount PLUS we got a rebate on our dishwasher for $125 and our stove for $150. I was so EXCITED cause they are whirlpool appliances, nice and we got an awesome deal! I am glad that both me and my husband are simple people and we don't need the TOP of the line gadgets! I mean we got good appliance but they are nice and they are simpler but we got a GREAT deal! Now I am anxious over them getting delivered. We have to wait for a few days ... we wont have them until December 5th!

So here is a quick story about our Lowe's trip ... we got everything, we went to go checkout, we put it on the ol' card, then I realize as we were JUST wrapping things up, that I forgot to give my lowes coupon. My 10% off coupon! We walk outside and I was thinking .... that would be like $130 savings. So we go back inside to customer service to see if there was a way that they can apply it. They ended up having to re-ring it up but we saved $130 or something like that! I thought we made the good decision to sit there for an extra 10-15 minutes while they did everything to save $130!

Total savings is around $435 because we also get a rebate on the delivery charge. :) Sweet, I felt like I was raking in the deals there. And made a good decision! YIPPEE!

At Lowe's we also got Vince some man tools as I called them. It was a GREAT deal as well. We got to apply the 10% to them as well. NOW and go build something! :)

After Lowe's, we went to look at laptops for my hubby but we weren't able to find one that he was really excited about so we didn't get anything in the computer world. I can't believe how rude people are. Its so ridiculous, people SHOVE and are just completely rude. I mean I understand that everyone wants to get the good deal on "black friday" but do you REALLY need to be 110% rude, jerky and everything ABOVE. Even when I am in a hurry or whatever, I say "excuse me"! I just find it ironic that people say that "Holidays are a time for family, giving, peace ...." but then they are the most RUDE during this time. I hate the malls and shopping during the holidays. I think I will stock up on what I need until after the holidays so I don't have to deal with people.

The weather has taken a turn for the worse, its been COLD. Frost and everything. Its been in the 20's! BRRRR!!!!! It looks like winter has come and it is COLD and I am not looking forward to it. Is summer here yet?

We ended our day by going to our favorite place "Sushi Maki" for dinner! It was tasty, good and had a great time together!

Good Night World!

Making my goals into life habits ..

Most of us have goals especially when it comes to eating better and/ or exercising.
I was reading that to make a habit, you need to do something for 22 days straight. So we have a goal of losing weight and helping us with this would be diet or exercise. If we can commit to doing it for 22 days we should be in a "good habit". So why miss a day! We can't afford to be great for a couple of days then slack off for a few then be good. This yo-yo we do to our body isn't healthy nor is it the best way to make success for our weight loss for LIFE. Why not make it your goal to use 22 days straight to start a good healthy habit before the first of the year? Will you join me?
We all have things in our life that we look forward too or we are wanting to be thinner for. For me there are a few things I have in my head for year 2008 but goes way further than just 2008. In March is my anniversary, 7 years here so I would like to be able to do something sexy for my sweetie. June/or July we will have our convention and I would like to be a few pounds lighter for that, and then my big push is August 23rd should be camping at Billy Chinook. I am VERY nervous about getting in anything that would be comfortable on the lake of the weight I am currently at. I am going to PUSH myself to be thinner for this!
How am I going to make a habit. A few things:

1. Exercise: Going to go to the gym 5 times a week, 2 days I will do light exercise at home such as pilates, walking the dogs but something. :)
2. Eating: Breaking the cycle of sugar! YIKES! Yes, I'm going to try to give up sugar for 22 days. To help me curb my control, I will be investing in sugar items as well as FRUIT! For the portion control part, I have decided for 22 days that my lunches & dinners will consist of lean cuisines along with a salad or extra veggie.
   

Here is another article that I read that could be useful to you or you may find some REAL information you can take to heart and use in your life.

http://women.webmd.com/features/exercise-habits
Thats my thought for the day!

Friends ...

On Saturday, I ran into someone who I knew when I was in Idaho. We never really were close friends but we knew each other and have talked here and there over the years. The last thing I knew she was living in New York and I found out that she moved to Oregon a year or so ago. I was so excited to see her.
So today I went to the mall, I decided to stop by where she works to say hi (she told me too) but best of all, we got to have lunch together. I was really excited about this because we got to chat some, catch up .... Its just this easiness between us. Maybe its because we are a lot alike, or maybe its cause we come from the same small place in the world. I am not sure but it was sure nice to have a girlfriend to chat with. :)
I hope that this is a start of a new friendship :)

Will I always be the fat girl?

I feel like no matter what I do, I am still fat, overweight ..... Why am always the one that is overweight? Out of control? I defintely wasn't the underweight kid growing up, I always have fought chubbiness. I am down on myself tonight ..... Why! What can I do? Will anything really change me or will I end up being a 300lb woman?

What do I need to do? I need to control my snacks, my eating habits, drink water and EXERCISE. I am going to have force myself to make time to do this, force myself to get all sweaty and workout the hardest I can and just push myself to the limit.

My eating will change tonight, my exercise will be as much as I can do this weekend from home without my gym and then when I go back to work Tuesday, I will be going to the gym. NO EXCUSES!!!!!!

Darn them ....

Somedays I just hate myself. Why? Cause I have no willpower. Sugar, sugar ...... Oh how I love sugar. I ate these stupid little snickers bars! Why do I go to the store and buy bags of these little "minis"... Yes yummy little snickers, milky way, and muskteers. Sometimes I just hate myself because I do think think I have enough willpower to do what is right but the other side of my brain just thinks I can still eat whatever I want and I will lose weight. Why am I so stupid?

Why is sugar such a WEAKNESS for me. I need to focus, I can't afford to not focus on losing weight.

Hate Decisions ...

Decisions? To go back to Montana or not. With todays gas prices, I just don't know if I want to spend that kind of money to go back to Montana. I want to see my family but its a lot of money for gas and its hard enough to come up with money.

Its easier for some people to tell me to come back because they don't have to worry about paying for the gas tank when its empty. :(

I am just having a hard time on figuring everything out. I just haven't figured it out yet, my mind and heart are torn.

Stay tuned ....

Weakness

Today I am not proud of. Why? I was lazy about everything. First of all, I indulged on pizza! So much that I am embarrassed about the amount! Then to top of it off, I decided not to go to the gym. Why? I guess the fat girl thinking overtook the good fit girl thinking! I am really upset at myself. I guess I should be happy that I didn't just say "well screw it all" and have 100 million more to my calorie intake and I still shopped well for the trip to Montana" But still!!!!! Why do I do this to myself!?
Tomorrow back on track, I don't think I will get to the gym unfortunately but I will eat healthy and I will get in some form of exercise tomorrow, Saturday, Sunday and then of course the gym both on Monday, Tuesday and going to try to sneak in somehow on Wednesday something before heading back to the family. :)
Tonight I did snack a bit because I am feeling a little hungry but I have decided it was better for me to go bed now and have a good healthy protein shake in the morning and start tomorrow off with a good start! Plus I wont have a bloated stomach throughout the night. :)
I ask myself this question "Did the pizza really taste THAT GREAT?" Was it worth it to indulge? Will you do it again?" My answers "Pizzicato is pretty freakin' good. Did I need to indulge? NO! My plan for next time "Enjoy ONE piece of pizza and have a salad and call it good. But better yet I will make sure that most of all, I get my exercise in."
Thanks for listening to me ramble! I am off to bed! :)

Great blog from Corinne today:
http://phit-n-phat.com/blogs/phit-n-phat/archive/2007/11/14/what-do-you-need-to-hear.aspx

Proud Moment for me ...

I am really happy with myself tonight. We had a lunch in from a vendor but I only ate a couple bites and then quit and walked away! I munched on veggies all day. :) And I worked out. Yes, I made sure I got my workout in .... I went 25 mins cardio, then 20 mins for weights, crunches and etc! Got home and had me a lean cuisine with extra veggies! :)

Proud moment here!!!

Did you say strength training?

Do you ever go to the gym and see people who ONLY focus on cardio? Or some people who look at you funny (especially if you are a girl) who go and pick up some weights? But any good trainer will tell you that you need to add strength training in your workout, that cardio will not be enough. I could post on here a 100 articles about it but I just wanted to share a few especially to maybe girls out there who are scared if they pick up the weights that all of the sudden they will look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (I can only wish).

http://longfellowclubs.com/strengthtraining.htm

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/article/0,6176,s1-1-111-1847-1,00.html

Phit n Phat Article

I can't really see one reason NOT to start loving strength training today! Do you?

Start today by going to the gym, picking up the weights and watching those muscles go to work! Its going to be one of the best ways to lose weight and you get to see some great definition along the way as well. :)

Can I become a runner?

When it comes to fitness there is one thing that looks appealing to me that I want to learn how to do and that is run! I love weights as well but I would love to be a "runner". Why? Because there is something about running that I just think makes a way for you to let your day go away, you are able to let go of everything. :)

I am going to start the training called Couch to 5k. C25K, is a fantastic program that's been designed to get just about anyone from the couch to running 5 kilometers or 30 minutes in just 9 weeks. Here is where you can learn more about it:
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

This is a person who did the C25k, take a look at his page: http://www.c25k.com/

I am going to track my progress here on my google spreadsheet.

I am hoping that I can become a runner. I know that it will take some time and energy but I really do believe if I work hard and try hard that I will be succeed. :) I just need to work hard.

Family .... Is it a good thing or bad thing?

Family .... what can I say about my family? I love my family to death, please don't get me wrong but I get such anxiety to think about visiting my family. I think its because I always feel like they are judging me in some form. Either they are judging me due to they think I am trying to be better than them, they think something ... who knows? I don't know. It drives me freaking insane but it is what it is ..... I am staring at the calendar and looking at it. I see that I will be with them in a little over a week.

I can't wait to see my Grampa. I really miss him but I am apprehensive over seeing my mom and my sister. Why? Well its simple! They are on and off so much that I never know where I will be able to stand with them. Will they love me or will they be upset and grumpy? I pray that this time everyone will be in a good mood and we can get along because I love them and I want to have a good time, I just need some kind of happy medium with them.

Well ....... I was just looking at the calendar and that is my thought for the day! :) Its crazy to be in my head.

Gold Star so far ...

So even though my day may have started out on the wrong track, it is getting better! :) I have so far drank 16oz of water soon to be 32oz. I had a bowl of soup (low fat), I went and exercised with my friend Erma today. (20 mins of cardio and then a few reps and crunches). I think we should get a gold star for trying today. Not too shabby for just starting out! :) I can ONLY pray that my day will continue to be as good. :)

I am a little nervous about things. We may start out good but will we continue with the holidays (all the good food brought to the office)! YIKES! I am hoping that we continue to be good for our own sakes! :) :)

My commitment ....

Why today when I wake up can I only see and hear the imperfections of my body? I stare in the mirror and instead of coming back with at least ONE good thought to carry me through the day, all I see is the lumps and bumps of my womanly body!

I know that I can't ask for perfection but I can ask for help! I need it! I have made a promise to myself that I will workout EVERYDAY somehow!! I will start the needed things to have a few extra steps in my day. I am vowing to go to the gym everyday either before work, at lunch or after work on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays! Then I have Tuesday-Thursday my ONLY time to workout will be at lunchtime. I am ok with this! I have accepted this!

I realize that unfortunately I have a body who hangs onto fat so I have to work maybe 2-3x harder than someone else. But I need to get healthy, its not really a choice but its a fact. I haven't even had children yet, I honestly feel like I am 100 years old, tired, fatigue, body aching .. I want to be healthy and vibrate for my children, for my family! I know that this accomplishable if I ONLY take charge of my body today and everyday! I need to remember that maybe things would taste better, I would enjoy them more, I would appreciate them more if I had less of them and less often.

It hits home when I try on a shirt that looks so cute and here I am feeling like I need to hide my boobs (god made them HUGE, 40DD) and honestly speaking, I think I would like them more if I didn't feel like on top of them I had to hide all the other rolls, bumps on my body!

I ask myself "how did I get this far?" .... I know my husband loves me but I am sure he would love to have a hot little bod on top of him instead of all my lady lumps and bumps! I would enjoy my life, my sex life more! I think that is one reason my sex drive is down, I literally don't like to be naked more than the time to get dressed cause it makes me so UPSET that I look like this! And for what reason ... NO WILLPOWER, NO SELF-CONTROL! I don't even have babies to blame it on. Just me! So its time to change!

For me its a matter of willpower, I don't have much, I feel like its never gonna get here cause I am impatient and I want and need to see some results everyday! But I know that I have weaknesses and one of them is sweets, including coffees (would you send an alcoholic to the liquor store for you?) so I am going to start making my coffee in the morning before I step outside my door, I will have two cups in my hand, my protein shake, my coffee mug. I need to do this starting tomorrow!

I may have made a mistake this morning in a decision I made but I have at least another 12hrs to make good decisions such as what will I have for a snack, lunch, snack, dinner ... Will I go out for another coffee today or will I stay in where its "safe" from making a bad decision? Will I keep my commitment to myself that I will workout this afternoon at lunch or will I allow something to get in my way. I know I can do this! I have faith in myself that I can make the change now and make the change for life so that I can enjoy life more fully!

Do I really look like this?

This morning I wake up, feeling good cause for the most part this week I have eaten pretty good, I feel like I am losing some weight and some inches. I think to myself, what can I wear? I have this meeting today and I want to look nice. Right? So I am think that my outfit will look awesome then I look in the mirror and I all I can see is this roll here, or that imperfection here. Why do I do that? What causes me to not like what I look like?

Last night, one of the girls that I chat with through WW said she applied to a personal ad and the guy commented back and said "i don't like plus size girls" and her response back was "either do i". Do people really honestly believe that we enjoy being a little overweight. We already have that demon that we live with. We don't like being overweight either. I just don't understand why people do that. I have had comments like that lately as well. Like people will say, "you look nice but ..... " or "that diet doesn't seem to be working very well huh Becca" or "I see you haven't been to the gym lately huh" ..... I just don't get people!

The good news is a really good friend of mine but also my co-worker has decided to join the gym that is literally right across the parking lot from our work and go and workout during our lunch hour so that we can get some exercise in but we don't have to take away time from our families. She is a wonderful mother of 3 beautiful children and barely gets to spend any time with them anyhow so what a great way for us to spend some time together AND get to do something for our health. :)

The little demons in life ..

Have you ever made a mistake in your life that no matter what you do or say it seems like it haunts you where you go, whatever you do? I have a demon in my life that seems to keep popping up .... I just want it to go away and never come back. They say "Forgive and forget" but do you ever really forget or is it just hiding in the background so when something makes you think of it that it opens the door again.
Its days like today that breaks my heart, makes me want to run away and never come back again. For the most part, I love my life but I hate the mistake that I made, I hate the hurt that I caused and my heart breaks.
I am sorry for making this crack in your heart, I wish my love could mend it. I know that there will always be a scar there but I pray my love is strong enough to keep the crack from completely breaking your heart in two.

Welcome to my world ...

Welcome to my blog!! This is going to be a place for me to express my thoughts, fears, triumphs, defeats in the world.

We all leave a set of footprints on someone's life, somehow whether it be for the good or for the bad. I just pray that somehow I leave a set of footprints on someone's heart that makes a difference.

Thanks for taking time to read my little blog.
Luv,
Becca