Yes, Indeed I am a runner ..

When you are running, is it that you are running to something or toward something? Today was my first time in a LONG, LONG time that I was able to run 3/4 at a full time. So my question I was asking myself was are you running to something or toward something. In my mind, if you are RUNNING TO something -- its like you are running as fast as you can to be able to get there. Like a relay or something. But if you running toward something -- you have something in mind, you have a place to go or finish and you kept running toward it and it doesn't mean how long it takes as long as you get there. Right?

I am so proud of myself today. Today, I made a BREAK through in my own fitness world. Here is a summary of my run today, first 1/8th of the mile I walked, then I ran at my snail pace but I said that its more important to get to the trail head which was 3/4 of a mile ahead of me than breaking a world record ... I RAN THE WHOLE 3/4 of a mile .... walked 1/8 of a mile, ran 1/8 of mile like that the whole 1 mile, then I ran back 3/4 mile. This is all I could do today, I AM VERY low on energy due to this tummy virus but I did it. So today I proved to myself that I am able to run at least 1.5 mile though I have to take turns .... Phew! I am so proud of myself.

I am a fake runner ...

Today I decided to go on my walk/ run. At some point and time when I was on this walk ... I just started to cry. I felt like I was a "loser" in the running world, like I am just a big fake when it comes to calling myself a runner. I can't run more than a couple of minutes without having to take a break, sometimes a long walking break before I can start running again. I am just feel like I am a not REALLY a runner but I just a faux runner. Sigh! Will I ever be able to run? Some people say that its more of a mental thing but how do I just break free of that? I dont know why I can't break free from it. Why was I crying over running? Maybe I was just being emotional but I am just having a hard time -- I keep asking myself why I even thought for a second that I could run the Phoenix 1/2 Marathon.

I just dont know what to do besides keep practicing, practicing ---- But I still keep asking myself if I will be able to be a runner some day? Will I ever be able to run a constant mile? Why can't I do it?

Oh ..... Mackafe has come back ...

Today, I woke up to my macbook waiting me to turn it on, drink a cup of coffee with my macbook in my laptop --- I am feeling like today is a GREAT day. 

We have figured out how to convert my email from windows to mac, now I am trying to get my blackberry to sync up and then I will copy over my pictures, my music and I will be pretty much be set on my new mac. I think we are going to name the new mac "minni mac or should it be mimi me ..".... Am I crazy? Oh I am sure that people could say that I am and pretty much I am. 

Now, my dream for my "Mac Kafe" will live again at least in the Scotto household. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up (will I ever really grow up though?) I love to exercise but do I want to be a personal trainer? I love, absolutely LOVE to take pictures but do I want to be a photographer (childhood dream that never goes away)? Do I invest in a business loan and plan and make my dream of a "mac kafe" (Though I love this idea, would it be reasonable in my town since we have Black Bear Coffee who has pretty much stolen my idea). Most of all, I would love to be a mother, a great wife, a woman who everyone feels that they can love, be around and be a good person. 

do you see the apple in my eye .....

Today, my wonderful hubby bought me a MACBOOK pro. Oh, how I do love macs. I wasn't expecting it at all today either. Don't get me wrong, I would take it and be happy but I went to get him something and we ended up getting me a macbook. You see when we first got married, he had boughten a mac laptop that I pretty much took over, I fell in love with it .. One morning, I woke up to seeing some of the pixels dead in it .... What a sad day. So we bought me an iMac, I had this for awhile but I got frustrated with the lack of software that I could get with it. I converted to PC ... ever since that day, I have never REALLY been happy with any of my computers, I have always longed to have a mac again ..... Even when I got my more recent laptop, I would have been happier getting a mac .... So today my world is a little more complete with a new MACBOOK pro sitting on my lap as I type this out. I feel like a gitty little school girl or maybe it is more of a spoiled girl cause I got what I REALLY would love to have but one thing is for sure .. I AM VERY happy with it. Now, I am going to give my newer but "old" laptop to my hubby. 

Pictures of my actual laptop will follow this post but its time for a girl to backup her old computer and get her new computer READY for the world. :) Can you tell that I am excited? Oh boy, oh boy .. I am giddy! 

Thanks again sweetie. I LOVE YOU TOO PIECES! 

Another thought about pregnancies and babies ......

Why are they all around me? Every time I turn around there is another person who I find out who is having a baby. I keep thinking WHAT ABOUT ME? What about us? Why do some people just have to look at someone and practically get pregnant and enjoy a full term pregnancy? Granted, we have to get a few things in life in order before then but makes me then think about our little peanut. Sigh! Why did we have to loose our little peanut? We would be in our last trimester and we would REALLY be enjoying having this little wee one and etc ......... But instead its just sorrow that builds up in my heart when I think about it. Does the pain ever really go away? Do you ever forget about it? Do you ever really feel whole again?

I hope that someday that I will have a wee little one and we will be able to love them and enjoy them. I can't wait to hear the words ..... Daaadddddyyyy ..... as they come running to him as he gets home from work (yes baby you will probably end up back in the office when our kids grow older and they can talk to you 24/7 ... how will you be able to work with me and the baby and our constant chatter?)

Some day, I just hope that we will be able to enjoy the life of being parents. Not to sound better than we are or anything but I think Vincent and I are going to make awesome parents. Why? Cause we are both fun, loving and we are good people. We will give the shirt off our back to make the next person feel warm. I just think that we will be good parents and I can't wait to see what our life will make ..... I can't wait too be able to look in the back of our car and see a little car seat as we are on our way to go and get groceries, meet daddy for lunch, go to the gym (yes this will still happen). I just can't wait for all the things that people get to experience being parents. I think its going to be great (and yes, I know that there is heartache with having children ... I am not that dumb)... I can't wait for our turn.

A lot of things go through this mind of mine ...... And honestly, sometimes I just get overwhelmed.

Snowball of life ....

It seems like lately every time Vincent and I turn around there is someone else telling us about some sort of bad news. Why? What is going on in this world? I mean seriously we are just trying to live our life .... taking things one day at a time but this year has not been a good year for Vincent and I when it comes to "good things" happening around us. Don't get me wrong .... we have had good things happen as well but we have also had a lot of crap to deal with this year. Things that REALLY effect us of individuals on our own lives. What is going on?

Sometimes, I just feel like since my grampa died there is this snowball effect and we are just just rolling down a hill and hitting a little bit of bad news here and there and making the snowball never melt or get small enough to get out of. Sigh!!! It just seems like we have had my grampas death, our miscarriage, friends getting cancer, uncle bob's wife of 29 years left him, friends going off the deep end and losing their heads ...... whatever else that I am trying to repress so I dont have to think about ....

Some days, I just want to go to the moon so that no one can call me, write me, or anything to tell me about something else. I guess I worry about the next call or something will be about Vincent's health (if I lost him, I would absoutely die) or worse yet one of our parents.

Here is to hoping that things will calm down, we will get a breather and life will start settling down again! How do I get out of this snowball of life?

40lbs in 12 months ....

Cris and I were talking on the boat one day and we both want to lose close to 40lbs before going to Peru or at least, be in the fittest shape we can before going. We don't want to get winded when we are out walking around or whatever! So today starts our goal of 40lbs in 12 months. This is COMPLETELY reasonable and we can do it. We both didn't want to make a goal where it would seem impossible to achieve so we made it VERY attainable. All we have to do is to obtain this goal is: lose 3.33lbs per month.

We have 14 months until the trip but we have to make sure we have clothes and outfits for the trip. :)

Here's too us Cris! We will be looking back in a year from now and be look at how far we have come!

What this means for me? I will be at my goal weight when I go. I want to be at my goal weight before I hit the borders of Peru! ;) I think that just having this goal seems easier for me to achieve as its 12 months and I am going to be doing it with a friend. :)

Love ya Cris!